This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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