You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
