tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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