found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
