beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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