it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
