I'm really into asian looking animals
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Text me some of your sweat
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