dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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