do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
