all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
