I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
