oh god the rape fog is back!
two words: eviction party
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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