Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
