Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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