remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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