My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
