Your tits are I can't wait for
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
