He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
