overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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