Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
