i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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