Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
