I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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