im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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