We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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