I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
