before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
