I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
