Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
