Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
