So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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