I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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