i don't like sucking hair
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
