I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
