actually, I'm a sock model
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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