You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Send help, water and tortillas.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
