i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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