I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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