My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
