I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The struggles of a small town man whore
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
