At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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