the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
