John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
