You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
