is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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