apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
