i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
