maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just cropdusted the office
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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