Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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