It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
