whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
