I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
