forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
