Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
