i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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