i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
