I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
