We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
sex in a hospital.. check
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
