I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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