he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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