I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
