Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
