handjob tips. give me some.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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